my grandma

On January 2nd, 2014, my dear Grandma passed away. This lady was absolutely amazing. One of the best people I know, in fact. She was always so kind to everyone, never judgmental, so gentle and had a heart of pure gold.

I was lucky enough to live with her from when I was born until I was 12 years old. She was my buddy, my playmate, my homework helper, my transportation to wherever I needed to go. She was my card game buddy, my Christmas special partner, she is the one who got me to love peppermint ice cream, or peppermint anything, really. She encouraged me to do anything I put my mind to, and always cheered me on. She always told me how smart I was, how talented I was, and always believed I would do great things. She was never negative, she never put me down, and she was always on my side, no matter what.

Even after I moved out of my grandmas house, she continued to be a huge part of my life. Her and my grandpa would come out to any dance concert, cheerleading banquet, play, concert or just anything important that I had going on to support me and show their love. She was always the first to call if I was sick to ask me how I was feeling, and always sent out Birthday cards and Christmas cards. She was always so open to helping me when she could and I really don't know what I would have done with out her.

My grandma has been one of the best influences on me in my life and I seriously can't imagine not having her around anymore. I have missed her every single day since the day she left us. She was the world's best grandma and I can only hope to be half the person that she is. I love her, and I know Avarie did too. I just wish Avarie was old enough to know and remember how wonderful Grandma Ellen is and to know where the inspiration for Avarie's middle name came from.

I honestly just feel heartbroken that she is no longer down here with us. I feel lost, and very sad. My grandma was really like a mother to me for many years and a big part of my heart is missing, now that she's gone. I miss her. I wish she was here. I miss our long phone conversations. I miss our visits and our fun nights of card games. I am going to miss receiving a birthday card in the mail and even our chuck-a-rama dinners. I miss the happiness she brought to our family. I miss her always seeing the good in everyone. I'm going to miss her for the rest of my life but I am lucky to have so many wonderful memories with her. I'm grateful to know that she finally feels good. Half the time she told us she was fine, but I know she's been in pain for a long time.

Grandma, you've truly been one of the most special people ever to me. Thank you for being so incredible all the time. I can't wait until I get to hug you again!

update on us!

I really do suck at this whole blogging thing. I thought I was busy before, but now I’m a full time student, full time employee, and then spending every second I’m not at either the U or 1-800 Contacts with my precious baby girl. Which right now I definitely do not have enough. I seriously hate it right now. I am just trying to push through to the end of school, which I did see a light at the end of the tunnel but just got told I still have a couple more semesters because of a change in the program. Blah. This semester is hopefully the hardest though because it just takes up so much time. I am interning for the preschool and that takes up 13 hours each week and that’s not even including homework.
All I know, is that it makes each day so much meaningful when I do have Avarie – because its only for a short time before I have to go to bed to wake up early for work or school.
It will be worth it in the end to get through school but right now ALL I want to do is spend every minute with little avarie elle.
This girl is almost 9 months old!!! Can you believe it?? I’ve had her as long as I was pregnant with her, but my pregnancy honestly feels like it was 5 times longer. How is this possible? She is so close to being a little one year old I can’t even stand it. I miss my tiny little baby that didn’t fit in any clothes and wore teeny little diapers with that little tiny cry that no one could hear unless you were right next to her.
I do love this stage she is in though, she is so much fun. She laughs at everything and is ALWAYS smiling. She is seriously the happiest baby in the world. She is learning to mimick sounds we make and can almost crawl. She sits up all by herself and claps whenever she is happy. This baby skootches around and loves to jump jump jump! She will eat almost anything and has not had any problems with solids – she is definitely not like her mom in that way, I am the pickiest thing ever and she just loves everything.
Avarie is starting to recognize people and she reaches for me which just melts my heart and makes me the happiest ever. She absolutely loves animals, she just sits and smiles and laughs and claps whenever the cats or dogs or bunnies are around. She is sleeping through the night like a champ, we did have to do a little sleep training with her and it made all the difference in the world.
I have stopped nursing her as of January 1st and I can honestly say I miss it. I miss that time with my baby where it was just us and it was quiet and I would sit and look at her and how beautiful she is and cry because of how perfect of a baby I have. My milk supply was just almost completely gone and so I figured it was time.
I love this little girl so much and feel so lucky to have her. It’s hard sometimes being away from her with work and school but everything I’m doing, is for her. I need to have insurance and I’m going to school so I can make more money so we can live a stable life and have opportunities to do things like dance lessons and travelling. I just wish I never had to be away from that smiling happy little girl of mine. She is truly perfect and is the greatest blessing I could have ever received.

Here are some fun pictures from our last trip to target! I got a groupon for 25 bucks and I actually thought the pictures turned out great ☺

3 and 4 months

i have not been very good at this blogging thing since my little avarie elle was born - every moment that i am not working or at school i am with this little baby girl and i seriously love every minute of it. she is my life and i couldn't be happier with it.
at 4 months she has decided that sleeping through the night isn't as cool as it used to be. she wakes up at least twice now when she used to sleep 8 hours straight - its definitely starting to wear me out and i'm hoping she changes her little mind real soon and decided sleeping is indeed something she likes to do.
at her 4 month check up this little girl was almost 13 pounds! i swear last month she was the tiniest thing and all of a sudden she has gotten some chunk! this little girl is just growing and is now 30th percentile for weight and only 13th for height.. poor girl will probably just be a short little thing like her parents.
she just started giggling and i can't even explain how obsessed i am with it! it makes me laugh and almost start crying because how much i LOVE that little laugh.
avarie HATES tummy time. i swear this girl will never learn to crawl because almost immediately after she gets put on her tummy, she throws a little tantrum.
BUT this girl rolled over about a week ago for the first time and has done it two times since! she rolled from her tummy to her back and it took a minute for her to figure out how to roll that chunky little bum over but she did it!
avarie LOVES to look at things that are different, i've taken her to the zoo, and the aquarium and she just smiled and laughed at all the new things that she was seeing.
avarie is just becoming obsessed with her bath time - she just kicks and giggles and splashes in the water and it is just the cutest thing. she stil isn't too sure about how she feels when she's getting lotioned but its not as bad as it used to be.
avarie also is starting the "everything in my mouth" phase. if its not her hand in her mouth, it has to be a toy or a binky or ANY thing else to keep her little mouth occupied.
avarie can sit up just fine in her bumbo but she doesn't like it much. she pretty much just hates everything that she has to be set down in and she arches her back until someone picks her up.
she is also starting to grab at things and then try to bring them to her mouth, it is adorable watching her grab onto a toy and then open her mouth and it takes quite a few tries before it makes it to her mouth.
avarie got blessed on august 5th by my dad and it was a beautiful blessing. she wore the same dress that i got blessed in 22 years ago.
avarie took her first road trip a couple weeks ago - we drove 5 hours to boise! it was my cousin's wedding and avarie actually was a lot better then i thought she would be in the car. she slept about 3 hours both ways and she did get fussy for a bit but once she was fed she pretty much did fine.
this little girl is definitely spoiled - she is always wanting to be held and if you put her down that can mean it is the end of the world!
she loves being sung to and she will actually sing along with me :)
little avarie has stolen my heart and any one who see's her feels the same way - she is adorable and i am so blessed to have such a perfect little girl.

two months

my little babe is two months old!
i can't believe how fast time flies when you have a baby.. i am seriously worried that i'm going to fall asleep one night and wake up with a teenager!
well two month old avarie is even cuter then she was before - i really didn't think that it was possible but this baby just keeps getting more and more cute every day.
she loves taking baths and showers
but HATES getting out and getting lotion put on her
avarie gets the hiccups almost every day and they usually make her mad
she has been sleeping through the night like a champion - i lay her down and she sleeps 7 or 8 hours straight. every single night. i was blessed with avarie because honestly if she wasn't a good sleeper, i dont know how i would survive work.
she is such a happy baby in the mornings - which makes it soo much harder to leave her when i have to go to work.
she got her 2 month shots a couple days ago and i just bawled. the sound of her little cry just broke my heart :( but she didn't seem to get a fever or sick at all from them!
avarie mostly sleeps in her bassinet but there are nights where she is just not wanting to fall asleep in it so she will sleep next to me in bed - which i think she likes better but i dont want her to get attached to sleeping with me.
i got a cold right when i went back to work and poor little avarie caught it too - luckily she only had it a few days but it was so sad when she would just cough her little lungs out.
if she is upset - the best way to calm her down is to walk around with her. the second you sit back down she is mad at you again and just wants you to stand up!
she is such a good baby to tag along with - she will just sleep in her carseat if i need to run errands and i've even taken her to a couple movies and she slept through the whole thing!
she still is fitting best in the outfits that are "newborn" size... she has a few 0-3 month things that she's able to wear without drowning but most of them are still way too baggy.
she was weighed at her 2 month appointment and she is a whopping 9 pounds 15 ounces! she was 20th percentile and he told us she is growing beautifully she is just a petite little thing.
avarie really is just my best little friend in the world - she is so fun and i love every second i get to hold her in my arms. i seriously would do anything for this little baby.
well here's a few pictures of this growing child of mine!

photo fun

my avarie is now 6 weeks old! i can't believe how fast that flew by...
i'm now back at work and its so hard not being able to hold this little one all day long every single day.
but here are some pictures we took of the worlds cutest baby!!

one month

my little miss avarie elle has turned one month old!
i can't believe its already been a whole month but at the same time i feel as if avarie has been around forever. i love this little girl so much - i truly can't imagine not having her. it's like my life is actually important now that i have a sweet angel to take care of!
well this past month has definitely been a learning experience - i was TERRIFIED of tiny little babies because they are just so fragile. now i can't imagine avarie getting any bigger, i want her to stay mini forever!
avarie is such a good baby - the first week or so her schedule was all backwards. she was awake the whole entire night and would still be awake a good amount of time in the day... i was thinking i would go insane if i didn't start getting some consistent chunks of sleep. luckily about 2 in a half weeks ago she started sleeping atleast 6 hours every single night! she's kept this little pattern up as well and i'm mighty grateful for it. i just am crossing my fingers this keeps up because i go back to work in a week..
for the most part avarie loves her baths - if she is being fussy they usually calm her down and she's a happy baby until she gets out. there's a few times where she doesn't like to get scrubbed or get her hair washed but thats not all the time.
there's one thing for certain though, avarie HATES getting her diaper changed. as soon as we lay her down on the changing table she starts having a fit.. she knows exactly what is about to happen and lets everyone know she is not a happy girl.
avarie is still fitting best in clothes that are "newborn" size - there are even still a few little tiny outfits that she doesn't fit in yet that are labeled newborn.. she's just a tiny little girl and i absolutely love it! she just has soo many outfits that are 0-3 month size that are adorable - i can't wait til she can fit into some of those..
avarie has gotten spoiled this last month. everyone wants to hold her all the time! i'm trying to be a little more strict by putting her down for a while just so she doesn't always expect to be held at every moment of the day, but usually if she makes one little sound someone will go pick her up... she's just so loved by every one around her they all to keep her happy and always have her near.
when avarie cries she does the cutest little lip quiver thing - its hard to take her crying seriously when it's so dang cute!
i've been breast feeding this little girl and she's been doing great with it! i can't believe how bad it hurt for the first couple weeks... and now it is still uncomfortable when the milk is coming in! i've always heard all these stories about breastfeeding and how painful it is but its just something you have to experience to really know what they are talking about. but avarie usually eats every 2.5 to 3 hours. sometimes at night she gets super hungry though so i'll feed her a little sooner.
miss avarie has been such a wonderful addition to my family - she is so loved and i really can't get enough of her. if someone else is holding her, i get jealous that she's not in my arms. if i go out of the house for a little bit, i miss her and can't wait to get back! this little baby has completely changed my world but for the better. i can't wait for the upcoming adventures with this gal.